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A young broker had just started his own real estate office. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the broker picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?” The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines”.
A real-estate agent, had difficulty getting a listing from a customer whose theory was that “there is no substitute for experience.” After he asked her a third time how many years she had been in the business, she told him: “Sir, there is a little-known historical fact that Moses brought three tablets down from the mountain-two were the Ten Commandments and the other was my real-estate license!” She got the listing.
A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”. The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
A crusty old man walks into a real estate office and says to a female agent, “I want to sell my god damn house.” To which the astonished female agent replies, “I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?” “Listen up, damn it. I said I want to sell my fucking house!” “I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this office.” So saying, the agent goes over to the officer broker to tell him about her situation. They both return and the broker asks the old geezer, “What seems to be the problem here?” “There’s no damn problem,” the man says, “I want to sell my fucking million dollar home.” “I see,” says the manager, “and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”
Several weeks after a young agent had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager’s office. “What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years’ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you’ve ever had.” “Well,” the young agent said, “in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”
A doctor, a lawyer and a real estate agent were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.” The doctor says: “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.” The real estate agent says: “You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife — you can go and sell some homes.
“I need a raise in my commission,” the real estate agent said to his manager. “There are three other companies after me.” “Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?” “The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”
A very successful real estate broker had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my real estate office. All you have to do is go to the office every day and learn the business.” The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate office. I can’t stand agents.” “I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some the paperwork.” “I hate paperwork,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of my real estate office, but you don’t like office and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.” What are you doing here? The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.” The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “How did you start the flood?”
President Obama was come out with a new program to aid Americans who are having a problem with making house payments. The name of the bill is ( this is a long one)…Interest and Mortgage Special Consolidation Reducing Everyone’s Waywardness Eliminating Debt. It is also know as I M S C R E W E D. Log on to the White House web site for more info!!!!! And now…back to your day.
Real estate jokes